Dogs

I got this as a forward, which I usually ignore but for some reason I did not just delete it and actually read it. It made me laugh as my two dogs sleep in their usual "T" formation. I hope you enjoy it. I do not know who wrote it so I can not give that person credit.

the following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
(1) They live here. You don't.
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they

1. eat less
2. don't ask for money all the time
3. are easier to train
4. normally come when called
5. never ask to drive the car
6. don't hang out with drug-using people
7. don't smoke or drink
8. don't want to wear your clothes
9. don't have to buy the latest fashions
10. don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
11. if they get pregnant, you can sell their children ..

Flower altered book page

Here is a simple altered book spread.

Ingredients

• Altered book
• Gesso and paint brush
• Two colors of acrylic paint - I used pink and green
• Paint brushes
• Clean water
• Scrap pages of a book
• Technique Tuesday stamps
• Ink
• Adhesive - I used Uhu glue stick.
• Scissors

Steps

1. Gesso two page spread. Let dry
2. Paint pink acrylic paint over the top 2/3rd of the gessoed pages. Let dry.
3. Apply a water wash over the bottom 1/3rd of the pages. Paint over with green paint. Let dry.
4. On scrap book pages stamp the flower petals and circles. I used Technique Tuesday stamps and ancient page ink.
5. Using clear water on a paint brush, draw a line you would like to tear around the petals and the circles.
6. Glue petals and circles on the page. Cut off any pieces that do not fit on the page.
   

Here is the same idea but placed on a greeting card. The only difference is the background square which is just a children's writing tablet with gesso and then acrylic paints in the same color pink and green. All was glued on a white greeting card.


Here is a close up of the same card.

corgilicious

This page is made up of several techniques - cheesecloth background, plastic wrap background and the Andy Warhol inspired painting. This is a recent picture of my Pembroke welsh corgi Roux D. He is very corgilicious.

Ingredients

• Two page spread
• Gesso
• Paint brushes
• Water
• Acrylic paint in several colors (I used purple, green, blue)
• Plastic wrap
• Cheesecloth
• Liquid glue (I used soft gel medium in gloss)
• Black and white laser print
• Glazing medium or fluid acrylics
• Embellishments (I used rubber stamps, stazon ink, circle tags, purple twill and colored label stickers)

Steps

1. Paint a two page spread with white gesso. Let dry. If you do not want white as your background paint over the gesso with the color of choice. Let dry. I liked the contrast of the white so I did not do this extra color
2. Apply a watery layer of purple paint. Before it dries lay a sheet of plastic wrap over the wet paint. Smoosh it around. Pull up the plastic and let it dry with all the swirls created by the plastic wrap.
3. Dye white cheesecloth color of choice using an acrylic paint wash. Let dry. In this case, I actually found purple cheesecloth on clearance.
4. Cover the background with liquid glue of choice. I used soft gel medium. Cover the pages with the cheesecloth. Make sure to create wrinkles and bumps for interest. Let dry.
5. Using acrylic paint, stamp design over the cheese cloth. (I used Technique Tuesday circle stamps in blue and purple paint. Make sure to wash off acrylic paint ASAP when using rubber stamps).
6. Find a picture you like. Print out in laser black and white. I took an ink jet picture I liked and color copied it in black and white at Kinkos/Fed Ex (or whatever it is called now).
7. Using glazing medium, mixed it and acrylic paint together. About 10 drops of the medium to 1 drop paint. You can use fluid acrylics as well or watered down acrylics, but the watered down acrylics may cause the picture to wrinkle.
8. Paint your picture as you wish. Let dry. I used Andy Warhol as inspiration. Glue on to page spread. Again I used gel medium.
9. Embellish as you wish. I used round tags and colored labels with stamped letters using Rubberstamp Ave Stamps to spell out corgilicious. I used staz on black ink.